I took a bunch of days off and finally made it back to work. As soon as I clocked in I'm told by the guy leaving that a guest requested a wheelchair because someone was being taken to the hospital. Yes, it was as vague a pass on as it sounds like. I get up to the room and these two hot chicks answer the door and tell me to come in. Sonofabtich, I walk in and find another not so hot chick, I mean she was hot but in the position she was in, she was not so hot even for my standards, sitting on the bed puking into a garbage can she'a holding on her lap. When I say puking, I mean puking, gagging, choking, grunting, loud pain moans coming from deep within her gut, smelling like a wet dog that just got fucked. I looked at her and made a "what in the fuck am I suppose to do with this sick bitch who probably has motherfucking swine flu" face. Her friends tell me that they just need help rolling her downstairs to a taxi. My first course of action was to offer to call paramedics because by the looks of it, this bitch might die before we make it to the lobby but the friends insist on taking a taxi to a hospital. Fair enough.

I inch the wheelchair closer to Sickly and that bitch continues to sit there face deep in a puke laced trashcan. I look at her friends like I'm not touching this bitch. She finally finds it withing herself to throw herself onto the wheelchair but when she does the violent thud of her falling onto the chair sends puke flying out of the trashcan all over her front.

What the fuck? I start walking towards the door but the other two broads ask me to wait while they finish putting on their makeup all the mean while the sick broad is still half choking on her own puke as I try not to breath.

On the way down I ask what the hell is wrong with Pig Flu and they tell me some bullshit about her having a reaction to some medication. Whateverinthefuck. I finally get her to the cab stand and the cabbies look at me like I'm a fucking dick and way more so of a dick than usual. I push the wheelchair next to the cab and once again Sickly just sits there gagging into the trashcan. Her friends look at me, I look at them and the cabbie looks at all of us wanting to refuse the ride. As her friends start to help her up, she once again finds her inner strength and throws herself into the cab, this time not spilling any puke on herself. Her friends tell me that they will bring the trashcan back and I tell them to fuck off, well, in my mind I told them to fuck off but in reality I told them to just throw it away. They thank me and give me $10 as if that's enough to get rid of the smell of puke that I had embedded in my nostrils for the rest of the day.

The last two days have been pretty slow. A whole bunch of douche fucks in house and not too much of anything going on.

I walked up on a suspicious fellow today scoping out our bike rack. I'm fairly sure he was thinking whether or not he'd be able to stay a bike or five or maybe he was just looking at the bikes, either way I stared him down as though he'd already stole something and followed him the fuck off the property.

Our high tech surveillance cameras caught a whole fuck load of nothing on them because we're working with fucking with 1960's fucking technology.

Let it be known that just because I hate my job does not mean that I don't appreciate the fact that I have a job.

I walked in to work today and immediately found the dock a mess because everything had been taken out because the trash compactor was being picked up. When they finally brought it back I had to move everything back in and I was already all sweaty and funky because of the muggyness of the dock area after our stewards power washed it.

It was a fairly slow morning and due to the fact our department can't communicate worth a fuck, I had no idea I was working the entire morning by myself. I mean, I knew I was because I was there by my goddamned self but I just didn't know that there wasn't actually suppose to be anyone else there.

Anyway, I was sitting in the office zooming in on some old woman's breast, notice I say breast, singular, because I'm fairly sure there was only one, on camera, when I received a call that someone was attempting to gain access into a locked employee area and because the flower people enjoy putting giant plants that block all of our cameras throughout the entire hotel I couldn't see this person at all much less him trying to gain access into anywhere.

I arrived at the locked door and pushed it open to find some drunk, no sense making, fuck, mumbling some shit about trying to get to his room. I was a bigger dick than usual until I realized this guy was actually a fucking guest, then I dropped my dickness down to my normal level. I got the fuck a new key, escorted him to his room, verified it was actually his room and assumed he'd pass out and we'd call it a day but not before him telling me a story about how he'd just gotten divorced which is why he was so drunk. I could feel where the guy was coming from, no harm, no foul.

I figured I could get back to dicking around in the office, which is exactly what I did after sweating some more with dock work. A few hours later I received a call of a suspicious person on the 28th floor with room keys but no luggage. I hauled ass upstairs but didn't find anyone. I finally talked to the maid who gave me the room number which the suspicious person had and she told me about how this guy scared her and that he was on drugs or drunk. When I got around to checking who was in the room that she gave me, what do you fucking know? The same clown who I'd left in his room to sleep off his drunkness. WTF?

Turns out the fucking guy came back down to the front desk and told him he needed a room, so our crack front desk checks the guy into another room without realizing he's already checked in to another room but now this clown isn't in either of the rooms, so there I go searching the entire building for some drunken asshat who we finally found in his new room passed out. My coworker finally decided to show up for work so we went and did a welfare check on him and while he was still fucked out of his mind he appeared to have slightly sobered up. The last I saw of him he was fine, hopefully he passes out and doesn't wake up until all that shit is out of his system.

Once I was done with my bullshit paperwork on this drunk fuck, it was brought to my attention that someone might have passed a fake hundred dollar bill. For fucks sake. The currency pen indicated the bill was real but it was suspect as fuck and what was really suspicious was that the front desk called the guy who gave us the bill and he said that someone the previous night told him the bill he gave them was also fake. Suspicious? You goddamned right, however, one of our accounting people was on property and their greedy ass told the front desk to accept the bill and they'd look further into it. Who cares? All I know is that my ass had to write an additional report.

All these shenanigans made the day go by pretty quick but I still didn't get out when I should have because once again lack of communication within our department came into effect and no one told us that the pm guy wouldn't be coming in. Fuck!

On the bright side, our jobs have yet to be outsourced.

Wow, what a bullshit day. A ton of key assists, noise complaints and homeless fucks. There is a bunch of idiots who are the crew of some singer person staying with us and they all suck. Our pool is closed because of health concerns and to top everything off, I think our entire Security Department is going to get outsourced which means we're all possibly about to be fucked out of our jobs, our sucky ass jobs but our jobs nonetheless.

In the mean time, before we all lose our jobs, they want to cut an additional 40+ hours from our department, the same department which is already running dangerously short staffed to begin with. Where they're going to take an additional 40+ hours from is beyond me. Any other time I'd be cool with collecting unemployment but this shit state is issuing IOU's so I'm probably fucked in regards to that too.

Have I mentioned how I hate this place?

At least I'm off for a couple days and don't return to work until Saturday...if my position hasn't been eliminated by then.

I was off the last two days for no reason other than I hate that fucking place.

Today was extra slow, pretty much the only thing I did was find out that the ass fucking we're getting over the schedule is going to be even harder than any of us imagined. So, we've got that to look forward to.

One of the worst thing about working at a hotel is holidays and the fact that unless you have some seniority you've got to work them.

Luckily I worked an a.m. shift and didn't have to put up with any extra tomfoolery. Today was extra slow until we found out some douchebag website posted that everyone should show up at our hotel if they wanted to get autographs and pictures with a fucking actor that everyone has been creaming their over.

Next fucking thing we know, this a ton of people loitering in our lobby. I didn't give a damn because I was thinking we were going to escort the fucking guy out the back door but for some unknown reason these fuckers decided to come out the fucking front door. I kicked everyone out before they made it down but then some wiseguy makes the decision to have a meet and greet on the damn sidewalk and that's when all mayhem broke loose.

I had fun pushing idiots out of the way, the worst was this fucking guy with a tiny baby who was in the middle of the crowd trying to push his way through with a camera in one hand and the fucking stupid kid in the other. I talked shit to him before calling him father of the year and then pushing him the fuck away.

The rest of the crowd for the most part were girls, one who was crying like someone had fucking died, so I guess that's the reason dude took time to take a picture with her but the dumb cow didn't even have a camera.

We finally loaded this fucker into his car and they got the fuck out of dodge. I looked at the groupies in disgust before rushing to get the fuck off work before something else stupid popped off.

All this autograph shit should be coming to and now and we should now be able to go back to being a regular douchebag hotel instead of a regular douchebag hotel with actors staying in it.

Happy 4th.

I pretty much didn't do anything today but monitor things on the security camera. The hotel had a lot of foot traffic because of a convention in town but the majority of the people left before 7p.m.. There was a bunch of idiot autograph seekers around who lingered for hours but we ended up bringing the actor they wanted to see in the back way and it made my day seeing all those idiots dumbfounded when no one showed up out front.

The hotel got rid of another person today, as much I hate my job I'm glad that I still have somewhere to punch in at. While I've worked at a hotel for the better part of my adult life, I've never worked at one while the economy has been in such shit. It's been interesting to see that in the end it's all about the bottom line and while I've always known that a hotel will turn on you at the drop of a dime, nowadays, people are really getting fucked over.

However, with all of their bullshit cost saving cuts, both service and safety are being put in jeopardy and in the end we're going to end up losing the guest but we're all lucky that we're still in business and the last thing anyone is going to think about right now is service or safety. So fuck 'em all.

Oh yeah, a hooker tried to fleece me today, she wanted me to turn my back while she went upstairs to turn a trick. I told her to take a hike. As bad as things are, I should have asked her how much money she was talking about but given the fact that she's a known snitch, all I need is for her to get busted again and start throwing my name around.

I'm damn glad I'm off for the next couple days.