Slow easy day. A few key assists, a couple of wake up knocks and a "VIP" escort to their vehicle. I spent the majority of the day attempting to figure out how bad we're all about to get fucked on our schedules due to cutbacks. I also was looking for the brotha from yesterday in case he'd grown a set of balls but I didn't see him. One more day before I'm off, I would call the fuck in tomorrow if I had any sick days left. While walking around the perimeter I saw a bum in the back of someone's parked truck taking a shit, our eyes met, it was awkward.

Today ended up being one of those days where I end up shaking my head and laughing.

Everything was running fairly smooth and pretty slow. I was a dick to a camera crew filming in the hotel only to find out later they had permission. I find it great that we weren't told anything about it beforehand.

I was outside when I ran into a homeless bum who started throwing phantom punches into the air, probably about 7 or 8 jabs and right crosses. As soon as he was done he turned to me and told me that next time it would be my face.

I ended up in the office for my last two hours, I figured it would be smooth sailing until it was time to go home. However, as I sat monitoring the security cameras, a suspicious person walked in the doors. I followed him as he walked up stairs and then into a restroom. When he came out he went directly to a private area of the hotel, which is when I ran upstairs to confront him.

When I go to where he was he was walking out of a meeting with two items he'd taken out of the room. Motherfucker! I took the stuff he was about to take away from him and threw it back in the room. Right away he starts with he's there to get a room and then it was to make a reservation and bullshit after bullshit story. Finally, I called him on his bullshit and told him to get the fuck out. He tried talking smart but I'm a professional and am unfazed by such tomfoolery. I got his ass outside and off property but he decided to stick around and start talking shit about the hotel to people walking by as though I would defend the hotel's honor to his mean spirited words.

The guy was a few fries short of a happy meal and he was still trying to talk shit but he didn't really want anything because I challenged him but he chose instead to tell people walking by that we discriminate against gays, so I'm not positive but if he was referring to us discriminating against him, I suppose he might be gay, however, he didn't get kicked out of the hotel because he likes boy butt but because he's a fucking idiot. Once I realized he didn't want any but still wasn't going to leave, we called the police because once he's the fuck off our property we don't get paid nearly enough to keep dealing with this kind of shit. However, he realized what was happening and decided there was no reason to stick around and he walked off before the police showed up.

Fucking eh, I hate my job, nevertheless, guess who got nominated for employee of the month, that's right, bitches.

Today was the gay pride parade and let me just say that there was plenty of Pride floating around.

I had the pleasure of interacting with a Dyke on a Bike today who apparently thought I was going to be confrontational. She asked me if she could park in a white zone and I told it wasn't the best idea because she could possibly get ticketed by the meter maids. She then asked me what I'd do if she parked on the sidewalk, I told her I'd move out of her way. She then gruffly said I was alright.

Aside from the happy feelings floating in the air, today was rather smooth. A few wake up assists, a couple of key assists and nothing way out of the ordinary.

I did run into a homeless woman who was cutting across through our lobby. This old broad knows me well. I'd first attempted to use the nice and cordial approach when I first started working a year ago but she mistook my kindness for weakness and now we're enemies, yes, enemies, I have a homeless woman as an enemy. Anyway, I ask what the fuck she's doing and she tells me if I hadn't been standing there I wouldn't have seen her walking through. Ain't that some shit, she was right though, I guess.

If it's not I shouldn't have been standing there it's I didn't know you were standing there.

The train on the way home was extra packed in. However, a girl with some giant breasts hanging all out of her blouse was sitting in front of me and I managed to use a small Asian girl to block her view of me looking at her breasts. So, I'm listening to my music, looking at her breasts with the Asian girl throwing me a block, when over the music coming through my earphones, I hear "STOP LOOKING AT MY TITS!!!!!!!". Right as an apology was coming out of my mouth I realized she was talking to a bum to her right who was oogling her tittays without even using a block, what audacity, some people.

Today seemed to have gone by pretty quick, the 6 Red Bull's might have had something to do with it but I did absolutely nothing today. After my coworker was 4 hours late, how in the hell can someone be 4 hours late, might as well have called in, I weaseled my way into spending almost my entire shift sitting on my ass in the office.

I got a bunch of clerical work done but pretty much just sat on my ass all day. I did a quick "VIP" escort, which are becoming ridiculous because we bust our asses to keep all these idiot autograph seekers the fuck away only for them to be called over to have their shit signed. How in the fuck does that make sense? Either way, other than that, I re-programmed a couple of locks and then laughed my ass off because two other co-workers came in to work a private function only to find out that the private function was a gay party kicking off Gay Pride Week. The look of agony as they watched gay guy after gay guy walk past them half naked and completely oiled down was priceless. Them asking if I would switch stations with them was even funnier.

Some tool got evicted and I had to escort him to his old room to pick up his phone chargers that were left in the room during his eviction. I was prepared to get into some shit because this guy was supposed to be a fucking asshole but apparently the booze had worn off and he was all apologetic for his stupidity. He was attempting to be all friendly and talkative but I treated him like the fucking he idiot he appeared to be and finally told him not to worry we're used to dealing with clowns all the time....then I called the Security Department of his new hotel and told them they had an idiot staying with them.

Tomorrow is a new day, lets see how the hotel will try to save money tomorrow in an attempt to prevent the inevitable.

I spent half my day reviewing video footage. I'm not even sure what I was looking for but figured I'd rather be reviewing footage than doing anything else. Walking into work high makes me think everyone knows I'm high and it makes for quite an interesting time at work.

The rest of my day was spent telling autograph seekers that we would kick them out if they approached any of our guests. The stupid part was that we escorted the people they were there to see right in right in front of them and they didn't even know the difference. They ended up lingering around for hours until they finally left empty handed and brokenhearted that they weren't able to get the autograph or a picture of the D List star they were there to see.

It's starting to be fun as the autograph seekers became more aggressive which in turns allows us to be bigger dicks than usual.

Also today I kicked out a homeless person from the bar area who said because I wasn't at the door to tell him he couldn't come in that he was allowed to come in. What? Who knows but I do know that he smelled like ass, no, like ass that had a giant crap taken in it.

I also noticed how the pictures of our interns show them with giant smiles and hella excited. Those poor kids, I'd like to see them after a year of actual hotel work and see if they're still rolling with their stupid smiles.

I half heartedly got threatened today. An undesirable set up shop on our patio ever, had his feet propped up on the table and was sunbathing. I went outside and asked him if he needed any help, he said that he didn't because he'd just kicked the shit out of some punk ass security guard.

I cracked a smile as I requested he kick the shit out of another punk ass security guard. My request was denied and he got up and walked away but not before saying "you're lucky that last guy tired me out". Touche.

I did manage to get our shit key system working today.

Slow easy day, I wish every day was like today. A couple of key assist, a few wake up assists and next to no incoming packages.

I went up to do one room assist, a "VIP", I knocked on the door, nothing, I knocked louder, nothing, I checked the fisheye sensor that lets us know if there is someone in the room and sure enough, someone was in there. We need verification that someone is in there and they're alive or at least awake. Finally, I give the door a hard pounding and the wife of the "VIP" opens the door in her robe, looks me up and down as though she's going to attack, then puts the Do Not Disturb sign on the door before slamming the door.

Her shenanigans made me smile.

The only other thing worth mentioning was this fucking tweaker who walked up to the front doors out of nowhere. I don't know where he got it from but he was wearing a bellman's jacket. I watched for a second and then the clown starts opening doors for our guest, he actually was doing a better job than any of our union doorman but either way he had to go. I walked out and stood behind him until he got uncomfortable and walked off.

Our loading dock is slightly bigger than most living rooms and we just so happen to be in charge of it. Well, in charge of keeping it clean and organized but for some reason or another, every single other department in the building enjoys just leaving random stuff in the loading dock and then just leaving it there. While cleaning it I strained my back, I was slightly confused because I've never been told who we report our injuries to since we're the ones other employees report injuries to.

Today was a good, slow, easy day, minus the back pain. There wasn't too many miscreants lingering in the perimeter, I didn't have to be a dick, or a bigger dick than usual, to anyone and nothing got too messed up where I would have to answer for it tomorrow, at least I don't think it did.

It's been about 7 days since the giant recycling compactor that sits feet away from our office has been picked up, so it's right about the time our area starts smelling like old, runny hooker vagina farts. So I have that to look forward to this next week.

We get paid this coming week which is great because I failed to turn in the paperwork to get paid for my off days so I'll be about $300 short this coming payday. Sigh.

On the bright, I got side boob when I did a key assist for a girl who'd last her key while swimming.

No Sleep

I got absolutely no sleep last night, tossed and turned for about a half hour then went to work sober.

It was a slow morning and I didn't really do much other than a couple wake up assists. About mid way through my shift I stood around for about an hour waiting for a "VIP" to decided to come out of his room to escort him and his crew to their cars and keep a bunch of leeches away from him.

Once they were gone, I attempted to work with the worst key system in the history of hotel key systems but I was unable to do a damn thing with the inferior equipment we're given to work with. So before I threw all the shit equipment into the giant trash compactor which has been changed to a recyclable compactor only, because we're so green, I decided to go out and patrol the floors.

Cleanliness is next to Baby Jesus. I find it extremely difficult to comprehend how any hotel can have dirty floors. Our guest floors are continuously dirty and for some insane reason always have tiny pieces of broken glass on them. I've repeatedly called these problems in and my concerns just seem to fall on deaf ears.

My thing is this, if you're going to suck in almost every other way, the hotel should at least be goddamned clean. I just don't understand.

To top things off, we're suppose to have all these so called "VIP's", yet the floors they're staying on are f'n filthy. I'm embarrassed to run into guests on our floors because our floors are so dirty.

I'm unsure of whose penis we had to put into our hotel mouth's to receive a 4th star but for some ridiculous reason that's just what happened. A damn 4th star, for crying out loud. However, considering that this horrible state is about to self implode I consider myself extremely lucky to even have anywhere to clock in at.

I'm going to sleep now, hopefully tomorrow's post will consist of me talking about how I quit after I win tonight's Super Lotto.

Good Night.

OFF DAY

Nothing of value to report. The thought of having to go back to work tomorrow makes me feel sick. At least I still have a job to go into though, unlike a bunch of poor bastards who don't, so I suppose that's a good thing. A few people are scheduled to go on vacation soon, I'm going to see if I can't take a week or so off sometime after they get back. An full week away from that place is what I could use.

OFF DAY

Goddamn, it feels good to not have to walk into the hotel today.

Today's Hotel Hot Tip
Tip your bellman when you leave your bags alone with them

Many times people check into the hotel but aren't necessarily ready to go up to their rooms but they do want their bags to go up. They'll usually ask the bellman to take their bags up while they go off and do whatever else they've got going on. However, whether it's because they forget or because they're just dicks, they break the cardinal rule of not tipping.

So now, they haven't tipped but yet they've left the majority of their possessions with a person who takes it very personally when they're asked to a deed and not get tipped.

At the very least, the non-tippers bags will get tossed around, kicked and treated with absolutely no respect. The non-tipper should feel extremely lucky to arrive in their room later and even find their bags in the room.

An airport hotel I worked at used to have a wily staff of bellman back in the day and while I will never admit to partaking in such actions, I do know that when bags when up without the owner having tipped the following may have happened:

•The bags were put directly behind the door then pulled in where it would be moderately difficult to open upon arrival.
•The bags would be tossed into the room from the hallway landing wherever they landed.
•All of the lights inside the room would be rigged to not turn on, whether the bulbs were loosened or extension cords were pulled out of the room. Televisions, radios and phones would also be rigged to not work. While not a big deal, if one were to arrive during daylight hours, a slight inconvenience when arriving in the middle of the night.
•The heater would be turned on in the Summer or the air conditioner would be turned on in the winter.
•The alarm clock would be set to an unholy hour and then be thrown under the bed.
•At this particular location, an automated system picked up incoming phone calls, so the non-tipper would receive wake up call after wake up call throughout the night.

The outcome of not tipping and leaving your bags with a person who expects to be tipped can truly make your visit less than favorable and the things that could happen to ones luggage are endless.

One way to avoid your luggage being messed is with is to come up with a couple of bucks. A 5 spot is usually a safe bet in assuring that the majority of requests are handled in a civilized manner.

'Til next time.

I've quickly realized that I can add autograph seekers to people I hate. I spent the majority of my shift being an asshole to autograph seekers. I just don't understand their mind sets. I ended up kicking out about 20 of them. In all of that nonsense I also found time to tell a prostitute to get lost and had an odd conversation with a homeless guy who told me about his lawyer. In my awe of his story I failed to ask why the hell a homeless person has a lawyer.

I'm so glad I'm off for the next to days. I feel my soul slowly being sucked away from me as I continue to work this Godawful job.

I was able to get a good shot of a woman's breasts when I did a key assist for her, which just happened to be the only bright spot of this day.

On a side note, our key system is by far the worst key system ever made.

Slow day, found out that because of some corporate loop hole we may not get completely ass fucked in regards to our hours, we'll see though.

I spent the morning looking for a crackhead who was seen walking into the hotel. I know this clown well but I never found him today. Due to the fact I was working alone and was opening someone's safe when he walked in I didn't see him on camera when he did. However, after reviewing the footage, I saw that he walked in and pretty much walked right back out.

Maybe tomorrow, but who cares, this guy is half retarded and his drug habit gives him no choice but to try his odds at panhandling on our property because in all reality there isn't really anything we can do but kick him the fuck out. We can issue a criminal trespass and then call the cops if he returns but for the most part its a waste of time because SFPD doesn't really appreciate being called in on some bullshit like this and jail helps these fucks, at least until they're released and they end up right back in the streets.

Hell, thanks to my sick day and then my day off, I only have one day left before I'm off again. I work at night tomorrow, so that always increases the chances of something stupid happening.

Nothing beats showing up to work completely out of your mind. As soon as I clocked in I was sent on a wake up assist. Basically, when tools don't answer their wake up calls, Security has to go to the room and make sure they're not dead. Just the other day I went to a room and knocked and knocked and freaking knocked, no answer. When this happens we go into the room, so I cautiously walked in and through the huge mirror I see a fully naked woman, who was super hot, spread eagle on the bed and then I see a guy to her side both passed completely out. I stood at the door and knocked as hard as I could and nothing, I was certain they were dead. I called my coworker and we finally aroused them awake but not before opening an account in our spank bank.

So, today, I knew there was someone in the room because we have a sensor in the room that allows us to see if there is anyone in the room and there was. However, for some reason or another the wouldn't come to the door. I attempted to go in the room but they had their deadbolt on which makes it so that I can't go in, I mean, I can go in but it's this long drawn out process that involves me having to go all the way back downstairs and grab a special key.

I stood there knocking my knuckles raw and no one was coming to the room. We expected to stay there until we get some sort of respond to prevent some guest from claiming they missed their flight or meeting or whatever in the hell they had planned that day because we failed to wake them up.

Finally, some clown came to the door and peaked out. I let him know what the hell I was doing and he had the audacity to get his panties in a bunch. I ended up going on another wake up assist a while later and received the same reaction from the woman who opened the door. They're usually pretty non-eventful but sometimes people like to act like idiots when you're simply waking them the fuck up like they requested.

It was a fairly slow day and there wasn't really much action, hopefully tonight I get more than two hours sleep before I go in.

Personal Day

I took today off, in my opinion people shouldn't work on Sunday's but I'd asked for this day off a few weeks back and it worked out perfect after calling in yesterday. But because the credit cards aren't going to pay themselves I'm back to my little piece of Hell first thing in the morning.

For the most part, Monday's are usually slow but you just never really to know what's going to happen when you're located in a shit part of the city.

Today's Hotel Hot Tip

The majority of front desk employee's hate life as much as the next guy. Having to deal with one bastard guest after another gets old fairly quickly. So, whenever you check in, you don't even have to be extra nice, just don't be a dick and if better rooms are available you can almost always get a better room and possibly not even have to pay an upgrade fee.

However, many people for some odd reason choose to be dicks to front desk agents and like to act like they're so much better than them, why, who really knows but unless you're paying rack rate, being a dick will only get you a shit room next to the ice machine, next to the elevator or next to the maid's closet where you'll surely be awoken by loud ladies speaking foreign languages and slamming the closet doors while making all sorts of racket trying to maneuver giant carts.

I won't even mention possible wake up calls every fifteen minutes starting at 2a.m..

You don't have to be extra nice, just don't be a dick.

Sick Day

I called in today.

I've always been in a tipped position where it didn't necessarily benefit me to call in because not only would I miss a day's worth of tips but I'd only get about $32 for sick pay because of my two bit hourly wage. However, now that I'm an hourly employee who gets paid a half decent wage, it's pretty sick to get paid the same amount as if I were actually at work.

I've got to go get in bed, drink plenty of fluids and get some rest because that's what sick people who call in for their shifts do.

OFF DAY: Hotel Hot Tip

I was off today, I did absolutely nothing useful or constructive today or worth mentioning.

Today's Hot Hotel Tip

When arriving at your hotel, tip the person who opens the entrance doors, it doesn't have to be a giant tip, a few dollars will do, and they will be at your beck and call for the rest of your stay. It should be mentioned that giving the person a fin or higher will all but make them your personal gopher.

(It must be noted that all Hotel Hot Tips more than likely don't apply to busy Las Vegas type properties where the bare acceptable tip is much, much more higher but should work at a vast majority of properties.?

OFF DAY: Valet Parking Etiquette

I was off today. I spent the majority of my day sleeping. When I finally woke up I woke up with a headache and the vile morning, which was really late afternoon, breath. You know your breath is bad when you wake up wondering if you'd eaten shit sandwiches some time during the night. I'm fairly sure my girlfriend slightly fainted when I attempted to talk to her when I woke up. I think I'll go wash my mouth right now, the thought of my breath earlier gives me that not so fresh feeling.

All of my hospitality career except for the last year has been spent in the Guest Services department and for the most part my job always paid the bills and gave me enough money to participate fully in the majority of my vices.

For almost six years I worked at the front door of a major hotel and resort as a valet parker, even the official name was a valet hiker, which never really made sense to me.

Working valet made me learn a very important life lesson:

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER VALET PARK!

Seriously, I'm not the kind of person who would kid about these things. Me, personally was the best goddamned valet parking associate you could find, however, astrophysics is not necessarily a prereq for working as a valet parker, even at the finest of establishments.

There is a simple rule avoids the majority of any problems that one may experience if and when you're forced to valet park and it's fairly simple.

Tip up front.

Yep, that's it, tip the poor soul who would like nothing more than for you to be a dick so that he can be guilt free when he rifles through your shit, the more you tip up front the less the chances that everything will be the same with your car when you get it back, however, a couple of dollars up front will at the very least get your car parked with minimal damage.

Now, lets say you don't tip anything up front, now you're just another person who wants their vehicle parked and who didn't tip up front, basically, you're no one special, which means your vehicle is fair game for, well, just about anything you can imagine.

To be continued (Maybe)

Working Solo, Jerkoffs and Shit Locks.

The only bright spot in my day was that I arrived not sober. I can not seem to comprehend how the idiots in charge expect everything to run in tip top shape, like a well oiled machine, yet give us inferior equipment to work with. The bottom line is that our key and lock system fucking sucks and the worst part is that I'm the clown in charge of making sure all of the hotel's keys and locks are working properly.

As soon as I walked in the door I was told of room locks needing my attention. Right away, I knew what kind of day it was going to be. My mind drifted off to some far away land, where I found myself tearing off my cheap suit and yelling at every person who would listen to go fuck themselves and their shit hotel. I was brought back to reality by the restaurant hostess who was banging on our office window shouting that a homeless person was jacking off outside of the restaurant doors.

Usually, the last day of work before my days off is the worst and right off the bat I knew today would be no different.

As I walked around the corner I found an African American who is well known to myself and the Security staff. If there is one thing I know, it's jerking off and this jerk off was well, jerking off. He had his back towards me as I walked towards him and as I got closer the thought of me scaring him and him turning around and busting a nut all over my douchebag black suit ran through my mind so I decided to announce myself far enough back where there was no way he'd splooge on me.

Me: "Man, what the fuck are you doing?"

Homeless Bum: While turning around with his dick in his hand looking stupid, "Me, I ain't doing nothin and ain't botherin no'un."

Me: "You're jerking off outside of the restaurant!"

HB: "No I ain't, what kind of person do you think I am?"

Me: "The kind that would jerk off outside of our restaurant."

HB: "Fuck this shit, I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you or noones else."

He walked away zipping his pants up as I stared at him shaking my had in misery. I spent the next two hours attempting to get our shit equipment to work before becoming frustrated and just giving up on it. My boss suggested I call our I.T. department who suggested I call the help line which made suggest that I shouldn't have to work with fucking idiots. Some people are just too sensitive and get their feelings hurt much too easily.

It wasn't long after that when I was informed that I'd be working the next four hours by myself. I'll let that soak in for just a minute...I work in the department which is in charge of protecting the guests, employees and visitors of a 400+ room hotel, with 25+ floors and two fully functioning bars and now I'm expected to do all this, by my goddamned self.

The last department that should be shortstaffed is the one in charge of not letting shit happen but for some odd reason no one else seems to be even slightly bothered at the fact that there is really no security at our property because while I can see what's going on with all the cameras we have throughout the hotel (which for the most part are total shit and requires a post all of its own) I really don't know what the fuck is really going on.

Luckily for everyone on property, nothing major happened, even with both bars and the restaurant at full capacity, a VIP group in house and your normal everyday fucksticks roaming in the area, the night ran rather smoothly.

I kicked out a couple of other homeless bums, let a hooker know I was onto her shenanigans and removed a bunch of losers trying to get into our VIP's private area. It was a smooth night, considering. When my relief finally showed up, he went on a rant about how he found out how things are going to change and how peoples hours are going to be cut and how blah, blah, blah. By this time, the only thing I wanted to do was punch myself in the face.

Now I have two days off, even though two days isn't nearly enough time to get rid of the dirty that my work week gives me.

Fed Ex, Ms. I Forget Things & More Stupid People

I got to sleep in a little today because I worked a mid shift, which basically means coming in to a whole bunch of trash. Walking into my hotel at 11a.m. means that just enough time has passed for the a.m. shift to fuck a bunch of shit up, on top of having to sweep up all of the graveyard's busy work that for some reason or another never gets done even though everyone is well aware of all the down time there is on the overnight shift.

After attempting to figure out why I have to send a phone charger, which was left by in a room, to Montre-fucking-al for free, the Fed Ex Ground man showed up with way too many packages at any one time. While sorting through packages I realized that I never should have showed up to work sober.

When I finally got around to shipping Ms. Iforgetmyshitinhotelroomsandthenexpecttohavethemsendittomeforfree's charger, it wasn't Fed Ex Ground who was now screwing me, it was the horrible software UPS expects its customer's to use. I ended up setting up the pickup of one package 7 times before actually being able to print the special invoices required to ship international.

At this point, I had been nowhere in the hotel but in and around my immediate work area. It wasn't long after when my relief called in sick for his shift. Call ins at hotel's almost always end up screwing someone over, especially now, because even though we are shortstaffed before this last guy quit, not only is he not getting replaced but more people are about to be cut. Sweet, nothing beats not knowing whether you'll even be working some horrible job in the coming weeks.

With only about two hours of my shift left, I started to get antsy with doing clerical work all day so I decided to put on my suit jacket and walk the perimeter and see if I couldn't find a homeless person to maybe tell me how much I suck but other than the normal cock nozzles in the area, my last two hours of work were fairly uneventful. At one point, we received a call that came through as "an urgent situation at the front door that required Security's presence". The blood started flowing, filled with energy drinks and shots, my co-worker and I raced through the back hallways, half knocking down Sales girls leaving for the day, pushing a Room Service attendant into a trash can, weaving around bellman moving boxes in the back office, slamming the door into the lobby off its hinges....only to be directed by a half grinning bellman, wondering why we were in such a huff, towards the front sidewalk, where we found two towncar drivers with giant vaginas bleeding all over the front of the hotel because some other driver was trying to steal their runs.

I looked at them with my "someone should kick you in your pussies" face, turned to my coworker and shook my head and walked away in disgust as I made my way to the bar to stare creepily at our bar girl and ride out the rest of my shift.

Rape, Pranksters & Packages

After a whopping 3 hours of sleep, I awoke, took a half ass shower, put on my douchebag uniform, took my morning medicine and jumped aboard a godforsaken train to trek my ass under some polluted bay.

I arrived at my destination 17 minutes later, full of spite and filled with rape, wait, what the fuck, not rape, where did rape come from, how in the world can I be full of rape, how about full of something, anything, just short of rape.

I had just enough time to buy my two energy drinks and stare in awe at a bum talking to anyone who would listen and shitting at the same time in an alley just off the sidewalk before I walked in and hit the clock.

It was a slow day from the beginning, not too much of anything was happening, other than some prankster taking all the housephones on all the floors off the hook and letting them ring to the operators.

As I sat at my desk staring blankly at a pair of lost and found sunglasses, I realized my body was starting to fail because OF THE SMELL OF FUCKING TRASH! Why are hotel security offices always near some trash? I had no choice but to chug both my energy drinks in the hopes that I would be so hopped up that I would not even realize it smelled like a foul vagina with dead bodies laying in it.

My relief showed up and as I was walking out of the office to go patrol the hotel, the phone rang, my gut said don't answer but I refused to listen and answered anyway. Easily, the worst decision I'd made all day. The person on the other end of the line was looking for a package he had not received during his stay, it probably had a little something to do with the fact that he stayed in someone elses room and we never even had a record of his ass being anywhere near by, nevertheless, I'm not one to judge.

I ended up spending the rest of my shift looking for some phantom package that I never officially found, however, the guest, who technically wasn't really a guest and more of a guest of a guest, which doesn't necessarily make a difference.....unless someone who isn't actually a guest is actually expecting a package. The person never called back, so I'm going to go with either they are so filled with rage that the next time we hear from him will be when he show's up to the hotel shooting at people or he got a hold of the shipper who told him where the hell his package was.

On a side note, thanks to the economy, we have three band aids left in our first aid kits, so hopefully, no one cuts themselves because we'll have to go old school on them and pull out the duct tape, which actually isn't duct tape but some other thick ass black tape.

On a second side note, I rode standing up on the train on the way home which gave me the perfect angle to look down some girl's shirt. Sometimes it's the simple things that make leaving my house worth my while.

Anarchists, Jews and Cows, Oh My!

To me, working on Sunday sucks, more so when it's football season but one shouldn't have to work on Baby Jesus' day. However, nothing too horribly exciting happened, it was a slow and lazy Sunday. There was people all over the hotel and because we don't have any visitor badges even though I've been asking for some since before we ran out, who really knows who the fuck was actually in the hotel but they all failed to look suspicious enough for me to stop and if there is one thing I know, it's suspicious folks, so what if that one time I bum rushed that middle aged woman on the third floor and she ended up being a VIP guest?

I spent the majority of my day patrolling the perimeter looking for anarchists who were supposed to reek havoc on some Jews but the closest thing I found to an anarchist was the doorman, who quite possibly may hate the world even more than me.

My annoying coworker was annoying as ever, especially because her fake do good persona is even more annoying than her real I'm a lazy fat cow persona.

I think someone got their wallet stolen but they said it was lost so I didn't necessarily attempt to dwell into the situation and kindly agreed that they probably had just lost their wallet.

Easy Day

Slow easy day today. Other than having to be present as some L list foreign actors made their way outside, I didn't do much of anything today. I attempted to avoid the lazy cow I work with but was forced to see her for all of three minutes which basically ruined the rest of my day. I now find myself attempting to smoke my worries away as I watch low budget Sci-Fi and prepare to get a few hours sleep before I have to go back to work. I especially despise Sundays because I'm forced to work with the worst person to work with but it's only for a couple of hours which is about 56 more minutes than I can take of her. Seriously, I've timed it.

A lot of my days are fairly boring and even when I'm busy it's mostly garbage work, so before anyone gets too excited be prepared for boring, mindless posts much like this one.