Working Solo, Jerkoffs and Shit Locks.

The only bright spot in my day was that I arrived not sober. I can not seem to comprehend how the idiots in charge expect everything to run in tip top shape, like a well oiled machine, yet give us inferior equipment to work with. The bottom line is that our key and lock system fucking sucks and the worst part is that I'm the clown in charge of making sure all of the hotel's keys and locks are working properly.

As soon as I walked in the door I was told of room locks needing my attention. Right away, I knew what kind of day it was going to be. My mind drifted off to some far away land, where I found myself tearing off my cheap suit and yelling at every person who would listen to go fuck themselves and their shit hotel. I was brought back to reality by the restaurant hostess who was banging on our office window shouting that a homeless person was jacking off outside of the restaurant doors.

Usually, the last day of work before my days off is the worst and right off the bat I knew today would be no different.

As I walked around the corner I found an African American who is well known to myself and the Security staff. If there is one thing I know, it's jerking off and this jerk off was well, jerking off. He had his back towards me as I walked towards him and as I got closer the thought of me scaring him and him turning around and busting a nut all over my douchebag black suit ran through my mind so I decided to announce myself far enough back where there was no way he'd splooge on me.

Me: "Man, what the fuck are you doing?"

Homeless Bum: While turning around with his dick in his hand looking stupid, "Me, I ain't doing nothin and ain't botherin no'un."

Me: "You're jerking off outside of the restaurant!"

HB: "No I ain't, what kind of person do you think I am?"

Me: "The kind that would jerk off outside of our restaurant."

HB: "Fuck this shit, I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you or noones else."

He walked away zipping his pants up as I stared at him shaking my had in misery. I spent the next two hours attempting to get our shit equipment to work before becoming frustrated and just giving up on it. My boss suggested I call our I.T. department who suggested I call the help line which made suggest that I shouldn't have to work with fucking idiots. Some people are just too sensitive and get their feelings hurt much too easily.

It wasn't long after that when I was informed that I'd be working the next four hours by myself. I'll let that soak in for just a minute...I work in the department which is in charge of protecting the guests, employees and visitors of a 400+ room hotel, with 25+ floors and two fully functioning bars and now I'm expected to do all this, by my goddamned self.

The last department that should be shortstaffed is the one in charge of not letting shit happen but for some odd reason no one else seems to be even slightly bothered at the fact that there is really no security at our property because while I can see what's going on with all the cameras we have throughout the hotel (which for the most part are total shit and requires a post all of its own) I really don't know what the fuck is really going on.

Luckily for everyone on property, nothing major happened, even with both bars and the restaurant at full capacity, a VIP group in house and your normal everyday fucksticks roaming in the area, the night ran rather smoothly.

I kicked out a couple of other homeless bums, let a hooker know I was onto her shenanigans and removed a bunch of losers trying to get into our VIP's private area. It was a smooth night, considering. When my relief finally showed up, he went on a rant about how he found out how things are going to change and how peoples hours are going to be cut and how blah, blah, blah. By this time, the only thing I wanted to do was punch myself in the face.

Now I have two days off, even though two days isn't nearly enough time to get rid of the dirty that my work week gives me.